1. Hope- a good long talk/cry with my hubby that resulted in some decisions toward the future. Whatever that means, it seemed helpful.
2. Grief - Read "Choosing to SEE" by Marybeth Chapman. AMAZING. I cried 3/4ths of the book. So many of the words she wrote, I could have wrote for the grief and depression I feel I am encountering.
3. Anger. A sort-of close family friend, who has 3 bio children, may be adopting. I found out by mistake, not through conversation. And it makes me TICKED, ANGRY. Which is ridiculous. My first reaction was, "Why God? Why now? Can't you see my family, we only have 1 child right now. Shouldn't you give us more first and not them???" But I do want every orphan adopted, I do. But for some reason it just irritates me. But that is my problem and I need to work through it somehow.
4. Relief- I have been sleeping better and soaking in Scripture and actually praying. I am letting myself be a basket-case. Which is what I need to do. I am letting myself have good days and awful days.
5.Confusion- Making decisions for the future...what do we do? Where is God calling us? How can I stop trying to make decisions and just wait? Action is just so much easier than this grief and waiting for healing.
UGH.
Sounds human and real and honest which is all good...even though it doesn't sound like it feels good right now. Praying for you, friend.
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