It's not fair!!!

I must sound like a whiny kid in God's ears. I have been feeling this "unfairness" recently. I know it is not sound theology to think this way, but too often my emotions don't take into consideration what is logical. There are at least 7 families I can think of off the top of my head who have a child Annabel's age and just had or are having another soon. It feels so unfair that we have to struggle, fear, wonder, wait, and agonize over creating our family when so many can *just* get pregnant. I admit, a part of me grieves every time I hear a friend is pregnant. Why, Why, Why? It just isn't fair. I can be happy for others, but it is so painful to know I will never feel the swell of my womb, or the butterfly movements of new life, or even the intensity of labor that brings forth gasping, new breath. The other day I was thinking about all this and realized, I will always grieve the fact that I won't be pregnant. I can still love Sweetpea like crazy, yet always be sorrowful over an empty womb. That dichotomy can exist, and it is okay. It is okay to grieve something for this lifetime, because this lifetime isn't perfect. I give myself permission to feel sorrow and not feel guilty about that. I still choose to trust God's plan and know that it is best. But it still hurts.

Psalm 33:20-22

We wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice for we trust in his holy name. My your unfailing love rest upon us O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.